I feel ashamed of myself.

Where did I put Allah all these while?

Only come to Him when I have problems?

I am seriously ashamed to HIM.

Now, the syndrome come again.

I have final exam coming.

I felt like only Allah can lead me through this.

That's not the wrong thought.

But, I feel like I just turn to HIM when I have problems.

I don't like myself being like this.

All time when I have problems.

Because I usually forget HIM when I am happy.

When everything turned out the way I wanted.

Again, I am ashamed of myself.

Very very ashamed.

Oh Allah, I know you never left me behind.

I am the one who always leave you.

But now, I come to you.

Will you still accept me?

I...who always live inside my memories.
How heartbreaking it was,
I still can remember every seconds that past.
You can call me a fool,
but you cannot delete the memory away,
from my mind.

I..who live with my memories,
Am very coward.
Scared to let my heart crushed again,
to live in the same situation again,
just let it be the last time.
I couldn't front it for the next time.

I....who cherish my memories,
wanted to wash away bad memories,
just like I wash dirty clothes,
into a brand-new one.
If you know how badly I wish for that,
The wish that will never be granted.

I....who cannot live without memories,
Wanted to stay away from you.
Preventing rewinding the bad memories that we had,
everytime I see you.
I cannot blame you for all this,
But you just cannot change the way I am,
who live regarding my memories. :(

You, yes you, can I ask you something?
Who am I?
Please, this is not a weird question
Because I don't know myself either.

What am I thinking now?
What actually I want?
Why I did wrong?
Where is my old good self?

Is it interesting?
I cannot focus my mind on the thing I am supposed to do.
Everything seems to turned out  wrong way.

I want to be on a mountain
While forgetting that I am climbing a stair

I am thinking how to get to Kedah,
while I am driving to a new place I never went.

I expect everyone to notice me like everyone notice the signboard
I am jealous of that signboard above me
It is far away higher than me
It has been taken care so well
Even a tiny dust must be brushed away from it
I wonder how could I be like it
When?
Fool me
That is just a dream, so impossible
I am dreaming of being that signboard everyday
While forgetting that I am just a tiny thing.
Being hit everyday by vehicles
Yes, I am just a tiny black rock, in a sea of other rocks, making up a street.

The more I know about you   
The more hurt I feel

The more I am missing you
The more I try to forget you

The more I think why
The more complicated it is

The more I reason to hate you
The more I find you attractive

The more impossible it is
The more I think it is possible

The more I try to forget you
The more I will missing you

Here I deducing my hypothesis specially dedicated to someone who didn't even know my existence
So, it was a mistake trying to know someone which will make you fall in love with, with the fact you know it will go nowhere.

this weird feelings inside me

I don't know how to translate this feelings ryte now. I am seriously not admire him, but why do I feel "something" that is very disturbing me when I see him with other woman????tell me???why???

And why is there a different feeling between love and chemistry? I think it is different. I have crush on this one guy while I already knew that I am more compatible with the other person. and why did I choose to stick to the person I first have crush??? AAAaaaaaaa....!!!Even I know that he is least compatible with me....whyyyyyy